I’m a Sodomite, and I’m OK

The following article may not be appropriate for all readers.

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I found an interesting blog today called “Going Medieval” run by Dr. Eleanor Janega. In it, she has an interesting blog post about sodomy. It’s not what you think it’s about. According to Dr. Janega, sodomy isn’t just gay men sucking each other off or butt-fucking. As she puts it:

This is because sodomy is, in fact, any sort of sex that you can have that will not result in pregnancy. That is it. This means that any kind of hand sex, oral sex, interfemoral sex (if you get down with that), and of course butt stuff are all types of sodomy. This also means that odds are you, dear reader, have likely done sodomy at some point in your life if not earlier today.

If Dr. Janega is right—and my own research suggests she is—most of the sex that’s happening to other people while you’re reading this isn’t unprotected and carefully timed cock-in-cunt action between married men and women for the sake of procreation. That would be entirely too boring, and the population would be even higher than it already is.

Instead, it’s sodomy: women sucking cocks, men licking cunts, men sucking cocks, women licking cunts, men fucking assholes, women fucking assholes (with dildos), men fapping, women schlicking, men and women enjoying toys, rimjobs, handjobs, footjobs, finger-banging, fisting, dry-humping, sensual massage, etc.

Why? Why not? Are you actually going to pretend you don’t want in on some of that action? ‘Cause I want in on some of that action. Preferably as local co-op play with my spouse, but I have no trouble with a single-player campaign.

So, yeah. I’m a sodomite. I guess that makes me a queer even though I’ve only been with women. I’m OK with that, because the best sex is gay sex and fundies need to get over it. After all, everybody knows “nice” Christian girls usually love getting persecuted in the butt. (They think it lets them remain virginal, but they aren’t fooling God and they certainly don’t fool me.)

Of course, if you’re inhospitable and abusive to foreigners and immigrants or gripe about government programs that help the poor, you’re also a sodomite in the Biblical and Talmudic sense.

#nsfw #recreational-sex #sexuality #sodomy


Why I’m Going to Block You

The following article may not be appropriate for all readers.

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Let’s get something straight, shall we? I like my filter bubble. It’s why I still have a personal website and use RSS feeds. Sometimes I just don’t want to hear from randos who think I owe them a debate (or even a fair hearing) because I had the effrontery to express an opinion online. When I do use social media, I use the block button without hesitation. I don’t need a reason to block you. A good excuse will do. Here are a few of my favorites.

Table of Contents

No blocks found. Save or update post first.

You’re a Default

If you don’t have an avatar and a profile description, I’m going to assume you’re a robot and block you.

Your Following:Follower Ratio Sucks

If you’re following dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of accounts but nobody follows your account, I’m going to assume you’re a robot.

You Tried to Police My Speech

If you’re not a moderator or the site admin, you don’t get to tell me what to say or how to say it. If you don’t like what I say, block me. I’m fine with that, but don’t ever presume to police me because I don’t answer to you.

ACAB also applies to people who try to police everybody else’s speech (or tone). I’m not here to get a fuckin’ education, and I’m not here to be your ally. Save your sanctimony for church, because if I wanted to spend time in the vampire castle I’d play Castlevania or Bloodstained.

You Have an Anime Avatar

Anybody who has spent time on Twitter since 2012 knows from experience that accounts with anime avatars are usually edgy teenagers or college kids looking to heap abuse on others. I don’t have time for that shit.

Your Avatar is a Model Headshot

I like pussy as much as any other straight or bisexual guy, but I’m a realist. I know damn well that women who look like models or porn stars aren’t interested in anything I have to say. If you look too good to be true, you probably are.

No Public Posts in English

If you don’t post publicly, or you don’t post publicly in English, then it’s obvious you’re not interested in interacting with me. Therefore, I’m not interested in interacting with you either.

You DM’ed Me Without Consent

If you’re going to slide into my DMs without permission, at least buy me a drink first. And hold the roofies.

I Stalked You and I Thought I Was on 4chan

If your post history makes you look like a channer, then I don’t want anything to do with you. If I wanted to deal with channer culture I’d frequent 4chan and friends myself. I don’t, and I’m not interested in hearing from those who do.

You’re Some Kind of Alt-Reich Cultist

I don’t have time for people pushing neo-Nazi, fascist, ancap, dark enlightenment, grey enlightenment, or similar ideology. Jews aren’t interesting in replacing you. They just wish you’d leave them the fuck alone.

You Forgot the Magic Word

If you want me to do something for you, I expect you to ask and say “please”. You are my equal at most, and I do not allow my equals to command me.

You Can’t Keep Your God to Yourself

I don’t want to hear about your religion. My idea of religious tolerance is not turning fundies into shark bait. I don’t put up with Jehovah’s Witlesses and Morons when they knock on my door, and I won’t tolerate similar treatment online. End of story.

You Post Porn

I like porn, but not on social media. Neither Mark Zuckerberg nor Jack Dorsey need to know what makes my dick hard. More importantly, I don’t need them to know that.

You Post Loli Shit

If they’re too young to drink, they’re too young for me to fuck.

Drawings of girls that look like they’re 12 but “are actually 10,000 years old” don’t turn me on, and neither does the thought of being publicly reviled as a pedophile and having my life stolen from me by a jury of self-righteous assholes and ignorant shitfountains who still think animation is for kids because they’ve never seen Heavy Metal, let alone Akira, Vampire Hunter D, or Legend of the Overfiend.

Look: I’m not trying to virtue signal here. I ain’t gonna judge you. If you live in Japan, where lolicon (Lolita complex) material is legal, knock yourself right the fuck out. But don’t share it with me, because even if I lived in Japan I’m not into that shit myself.

You’re From Russia, India, China, or Vietnam

Unfortunately, most of the accounts I see from these countries tend to be spammers. As a result, I’m kinda prejudiced and will stalk your public history to see if you’re actually human.

You Annoy Me

To be fair, it doesn’t take much to annoy me, but it’s not like I’m getting paid to put up with your bullshit.

You Gave Me Shit About Blocking People

If you object to me blocking people, then I’ll block you too. Why shouldn’t I? You’re not entitled to an audience, and I don’t owe you my time or attention.


Real Sex Education

The following article may not be appropriate for all readers.

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I think that masturbation is something that is a part of human sexuality, and it’s a part of something that perhaps should be taught. But we’ve not even taught our children the very basics.

Dr. Joycelyn Elders, former Surgeon General of the United States

I dunno about you, but when I was a teenager in the 1990s “sex ed” was a fucking joke. Then again, this is the USA. It’s still a fucking joke just about everywhere in this godforsaken country because we let fundies vote instead of making them feed lions. But, fuck it. Or butt fuck it, if you prefer.

The “sex ed” I got as a teenager was basically geared toward preventing unwanted pregnancy and avoiding sexually-transmitted infections (STIs). It’s better than the “wait until marriage and make your relationship a menage à trois with Jesus” schtick, but not by much. Instead of Jesus I got, “Keep it in your pants because HIV is a death sentence”.

Mind you, this was around the time that Dr. Joycelyn Elders was the Surgeon General of the United States. She didn’t last long in that position because she had the temerity to say something blindingly fucking obvious but heretical to Middle America in public:

It probably didn’t help that Dr. Elders said this while being a black woman, even though this is something white feminists like Betty Dodson have been advocating since the 1960s.

Naturally, conservative Christians got uptight about this, and late-night comedians started making jokes about kids taking classes on how to beat your meat even though Dr. Elders didn’t say anything about teaching teenagers how to jerk off, just that it was OK to do it in private every once in a while, and that it’s a safe option if you’re trying to avoid pregnancy or STIs. You’d think this shit wouldn’t be controversial, but of course Elders has also spoken about drug legalization and suggested that conservative Christians need to get over “their love affair with the fetus”, so Bill Clinton finally threw her under the bus.

Yeah. The guy who used a cigar as a dildo with Monica Lewinsky and lied to Congress about it couldn’t handle having his surgeon general suggest that teenagers should be taught that they should do themselves when they’re horny. Asshole.

But you know what? Even though Elders didn’t want to get into teaching kids how to masturbate, I think that sort of information should be made available to teenagers. Yes, I think teenagers should be taught how best to jerk off.

For starters, we should be teaching kids to use lube. We should also be teaching them what kind of lube to use. You sure as shit shouldn’t be using Vaseline when you’re jerking off.

And we shouldn’t stop with wanking. Take cunnilingus for example. When you’re going down on a woman, you can’t just stick your tongue up her vagina or go stampeding after the clitoris. There’s an art to this shit.

Same with fellatio. Cocksucking is as fine an art as muff diving, and you can’t learn this shit from porn. Porn won’t teach you that you gotta handle cut cocks differently from uncut cocks, for example.

And let’s not forget buggery. It you don’t know what you’re doing, it’s a pain in the ass for everybody whether they’re bottoms or tops.

While I’m on the subject, we should go further than just teach kids theory and giving them modern translations of texts like the Kama Sutra and the Perfumed Garden along with modern pillow books like Joy of Sex and Sex for One. Maybe what I have in mind won’t work until we destigmatize and decriminalize sex work, but I think every young person should have the opportunity to learn about sex with a caring professional. I think your first time shouldn’t be with a teenager whose as nervous and inexperienced as you are, but with somebody a few years older who knows what they’re doing and is bound by a code of ethics to put you first.

I also think we should be taught how to assert sexual desire, how to give consent, how to cope when rejected, and how to end a sexual/romantic relationship that has run its course.

And we should be taught that every kind of sexuality is valid, whether it’s queer, straight, or otherwise. We should also be taught that sexual preference and romantic preference aren’t the same thing, they can change with time and circumstance, and that we don’t have to label ourselves for anybody else’s convenience.

I didn’t feel safe enough to admit to myself that I wanted cock until I had been married for years. Some women are in the same boat; they’re long married and have teenage children before they can finally admit to themselves that they crave cunt. And then you have people who realize at whatever age that the gender they were assigned at birth just doesn’t make sense for them.

Nobody should have to deal with shit like that. How to be our authentic selves — sexually or otherwise — is something we should be learning from adults in a safe environment before we go out on our own. That’s not the sort of education we can or should be getting from PornHub.

BTW: even the ugly and awkward people should be able to get laid. Nobody should have to go through life untouched.


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